Misunderstood, with Chloe Graham
My name is Chloe Graham, & I'm here to debunk anger.
All of us struggle with anger sometimes; it either comes out as an outburst or we stuff it down inside us where it slowly poisons us.
Through this podcast, I’ll be guiding you to transform your anger into a portal for creativity & expression. You'll learn how to manage your anger effectively, have tricky conversations with ease, & redefine your relationship with anger to transform it into some productive, instead of destructive. Inside our anger lies the spark in life that we've all been looking for.
We will be having raw conversations around shame, anger, judgement, to name a few, the stories we keep hidden from the world, the stories that need telling. The patterns we've broken. As we find the breakthroughs hidden in the emotions we judge and fear the most. I'm honoured to have you here.
Misunderstood, with Chloe Graham
Episode 14 Cycle Syncing, Being vs Doing with Ash McDonald
Tune in for a GORGEOUS episode where we talk about the Magical Power of Cycle Syncing, listening to the messages our bodies and inner voice are sending us. Intuitive power, getting to know yourself, and the power of being vs doing.
Ash McDonald is a digital nomad, mom of three, and therapist turned business coach for women devoted to doing business differently. With an emphasis on inner healing, energetic calibration, and aligned strategy - she has supported hundreds of women to a higher level of aligned success that flows with ease & unlocks true presence and meaning in their lives. She believes abundance is found when we break the generational cycles keeping us stuck & tap into our own intuitive brilliance as our key to the more we all desire.
LINKS:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ashmcdonald/
> Flow Lab
> Revival
Hello and welcome back to another episode of The I'm proud of you Bay podcast today is episode 14 And I had the absolute pleasure of interviewing one of my most favourite people, Ash McDonald, we're going to talk about some incredible things and I'm just I'm not going to say anything, I just want you to tune in a lesson. Thank you for being here enjoy thank you so much for being here and talking to me from the beautiful Costa Rica, I can't believe you're there. And we're talking across the other side of the globe from me.
Ash McDonald:You're amazing.
chloe graham:I know I love it. And the fact that you can do, like, just let me say, I was just saying to my partner before he left, I was like, I get to interview Ashay. And she's just goals for living and just doing this nomadic lifestyle. And I'm obsessed with Italy, and I can't believe you're going there soon. I'm like, I gotta be looking at your stories every day just going. Oh my god. I love it. So ash, if you could introduce yourself to my lovely audience and make them also jealous of your life.
Ash McDonald:I will do my best I will do my best. So of course, my name is Ash ash McDonald. Formally, I am first and foremost a mom of three little ones, ages five, three, and eight, which is just crazy, crazy crazy to me. And we are a nomadic family. We currently reside in Costa Rica, but we have about 10 days left here, before we leave, and we had to, we're gonna be in the States for about two weeks before we move officially to Italy for a few months as you were referring to. And it's just, it is such a dream to live this life. And ultimately, this life is a result of my business. I am a Holistic business coach, I'm actually a therapist turned holistic business coach. And I believe that our businesses are meant to be built in alignment with who we are on the inside. So I believe in the inner work that begets the outer abundance. And I help women to find that in very unique ways, I believe that we are meant to do business very, very differently, and that there's no one stop shop for every woman. And so I love to work with women to help them pull out their unique codes as to what they're meant to be doing, how they're meant to be serving, who they're meant to be calling in. And all the bits and pieces of energetics that allow them to do it with ease and with fun, because even here in Costa Rica, you know, I probably work maybe 10 hours a week, I might be like saying more than Israel. And that's ultimately a result of my magnetism, not because of my strategy. And that's really what I'm here on earth to help women discover in themselves as well.
chloe graham:I love that a lot of the women I work with are still within the corporate world. So is there anything that you can kind of pull out of the stuff that you work with entrepreneurs and the freedom that they can feel and design because I think people go, I don't have any control and I'm stuck in the masculine. And one of the courses I'm actually going to make a workshop that's coming up is for those people who are still in corporate, and they're wanting to still have the energy maintenance throughout their cycle and through the day, so that they're not going to work for someone else feeling completely drained, not able to look after themselves and coming home and not being able to be there for their family or the relationship because they're drained. And they're like, I'm just gonna sit on the couch and watch Netflix.
Ash McDonald:Oh my gosh, 100% 110% I think that the work that I do works with any woman and any man and any person really in general, because it's about, you know, tuning into the inner healing that allows you to live a more vibrantly beautiful life, it doesn't matter. I mean, I always say like, Sure, I'm an entrepreneur, but I'm also a mom of three young kids. So to say that I own my time is just the biggest lie ever, because I'm completely controlled by these little people, and what they need and when they need it, and I have no freedom really when it comes down to it. And yes, I've lived in a world where I worked in corporate and I've also ran brick and mortar businesses, which was just like 100 hours a week, you know, and I've done all the things and it all comes back to the same thing if you are living from a space of ego. If you're living from a space of ego and not recognising the power you have over your energetics I will always say like, it's not time management or after its energy management that we're after. And it's truly in our energy management that we find the the the limitlessness that we all desire, right? That works in any facet of being that we want to be in ultimately, magnetism is not just for an entrepreneur and I think that's where we get ourselves caught up right is magnetism means magnetising the life of your dreams. And I totally 100% Take into account that not everybody has the same dreams as I do. In fact, a lot of people look at my Nomad life and think I could never, that sounds horrible, I would never want to do that, you know, it's easy to assume that everybody would want this. And in fact, everybody has very different desires, what they have. The key here is how can you magnetise the desires that are meant for you? I love
chloe graham:that. And then, if people were kind of going, Okay, this world of energy management is really new to me. Where on earth do I start? I mean, would you suggest the cycle thinking is like an entry point, that could be something that people could get their heads around? Because you are an expert, man?
Ash McDonald:Yeah, I would definitely say for for women. Of course, cycle singing is a huge, huge, huge, important factor. I actually recorded a podcast on my own podcast the other day, where I kind of got real honest and basically said, like, if you work with or are a woman in any capacity, and you don't have this information, you are not only doing a disservice to yourself, but a disservice to every woman around you. Because it is that fundamentally important. Even for my almost four year old, it is important that I recognise and understand that she is very different because of the hormones, of course to her body. And obviously, she's different. She's four, and she'll grow into it. But 110% learning to think your cycle to your life, I call it menstrual synergy, like finding your own menstrual synergy is probably the most profound thing that you can do to create a greater influx of energy on your own terms.
chloe graham:Could you kind of give, because you have your flow lab course that October. So that's a really great kind of entry point for people when they're like, What the hell is this? What the hell do I do? But could you kind of share with people where they're like, Okay, I know I get PMS, sometimes. I know, I'm grumpy sometimes. And some days just feel like full of energy. And the welds amazing and life is limitless. How could you give like an overview of like, what's in the flow lab and the four parts, so for people to so they could kind of go, if I've got a big deadline, or if I want to book a weekend away, and another week where it's best to stay at home? How on earth? Do people sort this out?
Ash McDonald:Yeah, absolutely, I'd love to. So essentially, as women, we're often only taught if that about our menstrual cycle. So the period with which pun intended, the period with which we were bleeding, during that time, is our menstrual phase, but that's only one phase of four phases that make up our entire cycle. So for naturally occurring menstrual women, you know, periods that are coming naturally. And I want to say this, if you take birth control, you're going to look at it a little bit different. This doesn't mean this isn't applicable to you, but it's a little bit different. Or if you don't have a naturally occurring period, ie, I mean, there's an influx of reasons this could be it could be because you're pregnant could be your nursing could because your menopausal premium, I mean, there's a million things, right? There are ways and I do teach this in the flow Lab, I'm not going to dive into that in a podcast like this. But speaking directly to women who are naturally getting their period every single month, the average length of a cycle is anywhere between 28 and 32 days, okay? That's your average. So within that your period is typically only five to seven of those days. So you have four phases that make up this entire 28 to 30, day 32 day period, okay, so one of them is our menstrual phase, and during our menstrual phase, it's actually really, really important to know that, yes, our energy is lower. And the reason for that is that our hormones have all dipped, to the lowest that they will go in the entire part of our phases, okay, and they're so low that yes, our energy is lower, but some really cool things are happening inside of our brain. So our hormones actually begin in our brain and move through our body. So one of the things that happens in your brain is that you've got a 25% increase between your right and left brain hemisphere. So during this time, you're going to have a lot of ideas, a lot of exciting ideas in life and things that you want to do. Here's the caveat, it's important to know this is not a time to move into action from ideas, it's simply a time to like sit in the ideas to create space for reflection and inwardness and just really processing kind of what's happening inside of you. Additionally, as such as a mom who's had multiple children, I recognise now, how incredibly powerful our bodies are. And what I didn't recognise before. And what I want every woman in the world to recognise is that the work that a woman is doing to create a baby in those first few stages of pregnancy is the same amount of energy that your body is going through every single month, for a week out of the month. And yet we expect from ourselves the exact same version, right? When I got pregnant, I remember, in all of the times that I got pregnant, I was very almost instantly like the world is my oyster, I'll eat when I'm hungry on that one. I'm tired, I'll do whatever because there's this being inside of me, right? And yet, we don't do that for ourselves naturally. And so my period is actually my favourite time of the month because I'm really cognizant about restfulness. And, again, I want to speak to women who maybe don't have control of their schedule, although I actually I would take that belief and I toss it right in the trash for you. because we all have control, right, but in terms of maybe working a full corporate job, this doesn't have to be rearranging your entire schedule, it gets to be the simplicity of the awareness to know that between two calls, you're going to stop and you're going to breathe, right, you're not going to go from one called the next, you're not going to zip up into a conversation with somebody else, because you're going to recognise that you're in an inward phase, and it's important that you breathe. There's other things that I think I mean, I could talk about cycles to mean for hours and hours and hours. But during our menstrual phase, there's certain foods that we can eat to feel better, there's certain movement that we can and cannot do to feel better. There's certain sleep habits and patterns that we want to recognise, like our body, as a whole is different in this phase than every other phase. And every other phase is different than every other phase, which I'll get into but the point meaning, we live in a world where we're taught, be the same person every single day, or be better. Actually, that's what it is right? The better than you were yesterday, right? And who's to say that needing inwardness is any less than the day before, it's just different, right? So after we move out of our menstrual phase, we move into our next phase, which is called the follicular phase. So literally, the day that you are no longer bleeding, you are now in your follicular phase, okay. And this can typically last between seven and 10 days ish. And during this time, those hormones that were really really low are going to start to rise in your body, and therefore your energy is going to start to rise. At the same time your your metabolism actually shifts. So the things that you need in your body and how much food you're desiring is going to shift. This is important because we live in a world where everybody is tracking their food and conscious of food. And yet, we're not recognising that we have shifts of energy needs and food as women. So this is really important to know during that phase. We also need a higher level of detoxification for our body as it starts to move through these new hormones. So it's really important to make sure we're getting extra probiotics. We're getting fermented and pickled foods that are natural for that yoghurts and things like that. Lennon water first thing in the morning. So tiny, tiny little shifts, they're going to tell our body, I hear you, I see you, I love you. I'm listening, right? I'm in this with you, I will serve you through each phase. All right, it's so cool. It's so good. It's so good. And in this phase two, what's really cool is it those those amazing ideas and all the things that you were thinking about and menstrual phase, you're now moving into a phase of action, a phase where it's going to feel good to do stuff. So again, coming back to that to do less, let's say you come to your weekend, and you're like, here's all the things I want to do. And what you feel is I got nothing to give. Now, what we do ourselves is we shame, right? You're so lazy, you never do it yourself, you waste every moment of opportunity. When we have this awareness, we get to say, of course, you need rest, this is not the time to do more, this isn't the time to to heal your body to recognise your body and honour your body for what she's doing. And the opposite of LeClaire is, this is the time to go, this is the time to get some things done and feel really good about it right. In follicular phase, we also have this really cool superpower where we can actually learn new things easier. So I'm never going to start so we've been learning languages everywhere we go. And it's time to start learning Italian more, right. And I know the first time I'm going to start learning Italian is not a good time for menstrual or luteal, I'm going to do it during for likelier, because my brain actually fires at a quicker rate where I can take things in, where I can kind of get through that learning curve and then move it through the rest of the phases feeling a little bit more ease instead of trying it being like what is matter with me I'm no good at languages and tossing my phone to the side. Like that said I can't do this. Right? Which, you know, tangent here. This is why this is so problematic is because remember when we were little girls, and I think this is when I always get like pretty emotional around this topic of learning about our cycle, because I can remember so many times in my early teen years, because I got my period when I was nine. So I've been menstruating for a very long time. Yeah. And so in those like 1112 year old times when life is already hard enough, like you've already got enough that you're facing right. I remember so many instances in my life where I tried something, and I quote unquote, was not good at it. And I always think back like, if I would have known that maybe that was the wrong phase to try something. Was there a different magic I would have found in myself. Right? And I think about my daughter and I think I will always support her ability to know herself well enough to know when she's going to feel amazing and when she's not to know when to say yes and when to say no to know when to go for it and to know when to ease back and to not ridicule herself and shame herself at every step of the way. Right? To not go into a gym class and force yourself through your period trying to be something that you're not only to create ramifications for the rest of the phases to come. Right which we still do as grown as women because that's what we're taught are supposed to do. Right? So this gets to be I think it gets to be a wake up call. You know, like that reminder?
chloe graham:Yeah, I just had this. I just had like a lightning bolt kind of thing because along with that, regimented, this is the exercise that we do every day, and it doesn't change throughout the month. Do you think that will allow people to step away from this rigid control routine and black and white thinking of like, I'm either on an exercise routine or not, I'm either doing my morning routine, which I'd love to elaborate later or not. Whereas if you were allowing this beautiful wave of change, like us lined with your cycle, you can also go, I can let go of the rigidity of everything else. And that black and white, either being good or bad, with diet with everything, and I are. That sounds like the most beautiful journey and less than you can kind of teach yourself.
Ash McDonald:Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, this is why my, my podcast is called shamelessly ambitious, right? Is because I believe that the crux of everything that we desire is, is on the other side of shamelessness. Right? It's to reduce the areas with which we have decided we are wrong, or we are broken, or we have fucked it all up in some way, right and recognising when we are shameless, when we are not hard on ourselves, when we believe in ourselves when we are kind to ourselves, right that that monitor you heard me say a little bit ago, I love you. And I'm listening is something that I've said to myself for years, it's my, it's the beginning of my morning routine, every single morning when I wake up, I am whispering to myself, I love you, and I'm listening. I love you. And I'm listening over and over and over again until my my intuition my inner guide, my inner highest Priestess is able to respond and speak to me, because in all actuality, we are taught from a young age and therefore teach ourselves to not trust ourselves, right? Like, our body says, I knew this. And we go no, no, but this person told me to do this. Oh, but I need to rest Oh, no, no, no, no, no, work hard. live a great life. Right. So over and over and over again, we're like, I don't want to hear you. And what's really cool about cycle singing is that the more you shift into it, and I really want to, I want your your audience members and even you to hear that it's not this like big massive transformation, it's actually tiny little changes here and there over time. And for me, I think even the awareness of it makes a shift in your life, right? Even the awareness, you do nothing but understand and hear what I'm saying too. And all of a sudden, there will be a shift that gets to change the way that you and your body communicate with one another. And remember, the magic of magnetism lives inside of your body. It's there.
chloe graham:Yeah, I'm still trying to learn that it's really hard after you say like, like saying no and not listening for so long. And just having your ego slash inner critic drive your life until probably two years ago. And I'm still unpacking and trying to listen to my intuition. And finding human design really, really helped with that and learning about emotional authority. And riding out that wave the amount of stuff on ship I've purchased, whether it's courses, clothes, food, anything because I haven't understood that emotional wave. And Nina was saying the other day that you mentioned to her about the the four arrows in the human design. And she said, I've got three that point, right. Which means even more for me, it's important to have that feminine being than masculine doing and I'm like, This doesn't make sense. I've got even more to unpack because I'm more Silver's arrows. Like if people just have never listened to their sacral their intuition, their emotions before. Do you think human design is another good entry point for them?
Ash McDonald:Yeah, for sure. I mean, I think in general, I think the important thing to know is that anytime that we're taking a moment to get to know ourselves better, I don't care what methodologies because we're all going to be attracted to different things, right? We're all gonna be attracted different ways. No matter what you use. It's the act of being intentional about the inwardness and inwardness and inner healing, which is pretty much this hot topic, right? And in all sense, and purposes, is really just an invitation to get to know yourself and to be willing to listen and to be willing to sit in silence even when the responses don't come. Right. And just to just sit to, you know, a second piece of my morning practice outside of that I love you and I'm listening every single day I asked myself, What do you want? And I just answer it. Because we've been taught not to know this. I mean, I can't tell you the clients I begin working with where I start to ask questions along the line of like, what do you want? And they have no clue. Yeah, right, because we have not done this work. And, and so for me, it's every day I asked myself, What do you want, and sometimes what comes out is this big broad, like, I want my own private jet, you know, or sometimes it's as simple as I really want to go for a walk this morning and not do a workout or I want to go sit at a coffee shop for my work time instead of in this room, or whatever the case may be. And the act in and of itself is to listen and then make a move. Yeah, do something about it. Because every time that you do that, you're your inner guide goes, okay? You mean it? Right? We're testing ourselves, we're actually testing ourselves to find that trust, and that path again. So I think anything can be powerful if you're doing it with intentionality. Like if you're just doing it, because you're hoping it'll be the answer to all your woes, you know, I don't care what it is, if you're if you're hiring a mentor, if you're going to therapy, if you're, you know, buying a course, if you're you're looking into human design, or psychotherapy, or Enneagram, or any of that, if you're doing it because you think this will be the ticket to all that I'm desiring, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Right? And then it will not give you crap. It has to come from the like the internal I'm here to I'm here to commit to me. I know that this mentorship is going to take me deeper in my inner connected journey that I could take myself, I'm here for it and knows that this course is going to help me go deeper, more intentionally than I could do on my own. I'm here for it. But not I hired her because she makes a tonne of money. And so I want to have her life. It'll never work that way.
chloe graham:Right? Yeah, I love that. I mean, could you speak a little bit about how you found I mean, because you trained as a therapist, like even dating back to then how did you realise that? Having mentorship mentorship changes your life in profound ways. Because again, it gets to be that sounding board of like, learning to listen to yourself, but someone is helping you with that. Why do you think people think I'm okay, life's enough. I don't need mentorship compared to that, once you start it, you're like, the world is my oyster. I'm still, I'm still leading my life. But the power of someone helping me and guiding me to find myself is so powerful. Like,
Ash McDonald:you know, I found out I think, like everybody does, I, oh, I became a therapist, because my family was so crazy. And I just really wanted to figure out what the fuck was going on. You know, I mean, I think that's pretty much why every therapist becomes a therapist. I thought, well, this is I've always loved personal development, I think I was always naturally inclined to like getting to know this kind of stuff, but, and my schooling was about four years, I've just really intense therapy for myself, which was so great, and also incredibly difficult if I'm being honest. And then I ran a private practice, and it didn't feel in alignment. If I'm being totally frank, there was a lot of rules and stipulations around the typical therapy practice that really just didn't match who I am at my core, which ultimately led me to different things. And one of those things, obviously was coaching. And I hired my first mentor, quite literally for the exact reason I said you should not hire a mentor. Right? I watched her I watched her go from kind of successful to rapidly successful and I said, You I want your life show me how you got it, here's all my money. And was was it helpful, certainly, but it was all masculine. It was all strategic. It was all the doing. And it was probably, you know, two years in my coaching business of being, you know, still rapidly successful because I was a hustler, but not the kind of success that I desired and not the results that I really wanted on the inside, you know, like was I having success? Yes, but I was dying a slow death of like, massive production and just trying to be and get the accolades that my Enneagram three and my Mani Jen desired so deeply, you know, I was just fighting, fighting for approval fighting for it was my ego was fully fully ego driven. And it wasn't until I hit my own breaking point, my own sort of rock bottom, and that's actually when I found cycles thinking I was pregnant. Actually, when I was pregnant with my third daughter, I would say their daughter, my third child who's my only daughter was pregnant with her and that was when I hit my first phase of rock bottom through just like burnout and just I don't know what I'm doing and that was actually when I started coaching hired a mentor did the doing doing doing doing doing and then I hit another phase of rock bottom it was just the beginning of last year. So not that long. I just saw a whale jump in the ocean. Wow. Sorry, I got totally just drafted I'm like, No, you're
chloe graham:allowed to. Anyone is not watching ashes stories. Oh my god find her on Instagram. I'll link it because you will just see the most beautiful things on
Ash McDonald:your story. It was crazy. I just biggest freaking well I've ever seen like full jump out of the water. Wow, that's insane. That was so wild. I'm so sorry. I know. Anyhow, then I hit another phase of rock bottom last year, which was the cool, I've got the successful business, but I'm not feeling the thing I thought I would feel when I had the successful business. Right. And this led me to a complete burn down of everything. Like I burned down every offer I had I burned down my branding, I burned it all to the ground and basically said, I have to start over a different way. And this was when my inward work started. So I think a lot of people will sometimes look at me and think, Well, you're a therapist like that degreed and do shit for me when it comes to the things that I've learned. It's my experience over the past couple of years, my own sort of I mean, we talked about this at the beginning, like my rebirth, right? I actually have a Pinterest board that I talk about with clients of this, like, I was in my bathtub. And I was really just it was probably like weeks and weeks and weeks of just a distraught like, what am I doing? You know, I thought I would feel this like, ha ha ha You know, I made it all the things I'm not feeling that I'm just like, What is the matter with me kind of thing. And I remember pulling up Pinterest. I don't know, I was in a bathtub. I have my computer on I pulled up Pinterest and I titled it reborn. And I started to ask questions like, but who am I really? And who am I when I'm not worried about what other people think of me? And who am I when I'm not worried about creating safety for others. And this whole thing came to life that I you know, yes, there's a Pinterest board, which might sound kind of corny, but it was almost this vision casting this digital vision casting of like, Oh, I forgot. I mean, it's as simple as like, I had blonde hair at the time. Nothing wrong with being blonde haired, right, but I'm obviously brunette, this is my natural hair, I don't dye my hair at all anymore. So I went and I went back to dark and this tattoo that I have all the way up my arm was completely it came to life in that bathtub when I thought about like but who am I really and just all these things started to happen. And I recognise that the greatest work that I can do is not the work outside of myself, but the work inside of myself. And it changed everything. And this is coming from somebody that was like a personal you know, development guru. Hello, I had a master's in Counselling Psychology, a master's in sociology, I'd read 15,000 books on personal development, I've done all the things that you're supposed to do. But it was all ego brand. I wanted to be a therapist, because I never had anybody in my family who went to college, little on grad school. You know, I wanted to be a coach because it looked like they made a lot of money. Like, if I'm being really honest, you know, but there was more to it. I just had an uncovered it was, oh shit, like, I don't just have a passion, I have a gift. And those two get to be this, when I'm willing to do the inside work. And I did the fingers crossing motion. I was freaking out on podcasts like nobody else can see me but clearly.
chloe graham:It's like the air quotes when you're doing this. And you have to say air quotes and you're like, I'm better than I just say.
Ash McDonald:I do to say quote unquote now because I have so many voxer clients, so I feel like I've gotten that, but it just had that moment of like, oh my gosh, you know, so funny. So funny. So I will say I want to go back because I didn't finish the phases. And I feel like people who are listening are gonna be like I heard menstrual, I heard flicker, and then this bitch just left me out to dry.
Unknown:Yeah, I don't want to do that.
Ash McDonald:So after our follicular phase, we move into what's called ovulation phase, which a lot of people have heard of as well. But during this phase, our hormones peak, which is so exciting because our energy is through the roof. Our stamina is through the roof. Additionally, our verbal skills so I'm actually right here on the cusp of my follicular and ovulation phase. So this is actually the reason why I said yes, for last week and this week, because we had to reschedule was because of the phases that I'm in actually would have said no, and other phases primarily because I know that I can speak really clear during these times. And we all have this right where we're like, this topic is so good. And then somebody asked about it and you're like stuttering through it and like what the hell again? Are you going behind the scenes and shaming yourself? Are you like of course you're in luteal phase. Like, don't sweat it, you know? Yeah. So I scheduled that on purpose because the verbal skills it's a really important time to be one I'm worrying about your metabolism and metabolism and your, your metabolization of your oestrogen because during this time, all those hormones are peaking. And what happens is a lot of people end up with what's called oestrogen dominance. And this is when typically people who aren't aware of their cycle are experiencing some pretty crazy side effects to hormones during their ovulation. phases including acne, bloat, depression, anxiety, like a whole plethora of things, which are a result of oestrogen dominance. And so a very simple thing to do during ovulation phase is to ensure that reading a tonne of raw vegetables, raw vegetables have a digestive enzyme on them, particularly carrots that allow us to metabolise oestrogen naturally out of our body, and just to make sure that we're even keel and feeling really good. So, again, such a simple thing. I mean, when I lived a normal life in Colorado, I just had this mason jar that I would fill with raw vegetables and it would sit on my desk, I would fill it every morning and it sit on my desk like throughout the day, and I would just crunch on raw vegetables all day long. And it literally if I was travelling during ovulation, I didn't do that. I would feel it like 10 out of 10. I would feel the difference, right. So that's ovulation. And then we move into luteal. And if you picture it kind of like a circle, right? We've got menstrual follicles or ovulation. And then luteal is the phase that moves us right back into menstrual. Okay. So in easy terms, you can think of them as a weak, weak each. That's not necessarily the scientific breakdown of them. But I honestly just practice it that way. Because I'm all about ease and simplicity. And I know I'm still doing way better than anybody else. And I'm just keeping it simple, right? Yes,
Unknown:I like that.
Ash McDonald:So I love the luteal phase, for a lot of reasons. One, it's when we are very critical. Our eyes are very critical. Our brain is very critical. So the good of this is that it's a great time for editing for review for behind the scenes work for strategy for implementation. And it's also time we're very, very self critical. So it's an important time to turn off social media to maybe not go on that date with your partner because you might bite his head off or her head off the kind of day that you had, right. Like, it's just important to know your boundaries and to know what's going to feel good and what's not going to feel good for yourself during luteal phase. It's another time where our metabolism shifts, we actually need more food. So again, for the gal who's tracking our macros and is like, what the hell had been killing it. And now I need more food. Yeah, you do like biologically. You're not failing, you've done nothing wrong. You actually just need more food and little shifts like this really make the difference on how we get to feel. I think the last thing I'd say about luteal phase is essentially, during this phase because of the influx of progesterone. It's it's kind of like a natural sleep aid for lack of better words, which makes us maybe more more tired. And one of the biggest shifts that I make is every luteal phase I make sure to sleep an extra 45 minutes to an hour every single day, meaning I go to bed earlier. And I honestly if I don't do that little shift, I feel it throughout the day. If I do I feel incredible. And I literally can sleep seven hours during I know this again, knowing yourself is the key to cycles thinking I know that follicular and ovulation seven hours of sleep is my prime anymore. I'm going to feel too tired any last minute feel too tired seven hours of sleep. Ovulation or excuse me menstrual seven and a half luteal eight. That's an entire month meeting every week. If you've not heard anything, hear me say this every single week. I'm a different person. And a little bit about me, it's my superpower. And it's yours too.
Unknown:I love
chloe graham:that so much. Yeah, that's so cool. Like, and that would be as little as you know, don't plan a late social engagement on that week when you're like, because you're gonna have to cancel and then you're gonna feel like a ship friend. And, you know, yeah. And this is, you know, this is so much for people. We're still in corporate, you know, there's so much you can do, and you can plan. Like, I kinda like the idea of doing sort of hit workouts one week, and then, you know, yoga, another one of the week. It's like, this is interesting as well, you know, that sort of rolling? Yeah. And I love what you said about the tiny tweaks for cycle stuff. And then I think that's for everything as well, because you can whitewash it as I've got no time freedom, or I've got no freedom or you can go freedom is choosing this in this moment. Freedom is this 10 minutes. And is there anything you could say especially for mothers when they are feeling like they've got nothing that feels like this? They've got no, they think that they come last and they're feeling totally disempowered? And they're like, it's too late for me to find a career. It's too late for me to do anything now because I've just been a mother for Muto, one of my clients, she's got kids that are older now. So that like 20 years, she's like, it's too late for me. I'm like, No,
Unknown:you still got half your life left.
Ash McDonald:Yeah, you know, for me, when I hear all these, these examples, and the stories that don't, the first thing that comes to my mind is the belief system. And I know for a lot of people that that might kind of sound like that again. But here's the thing. If you're walking around believing that I do not have freedom or to my time is not my own. Your brain is going to do its due diligence to protect you at all costs, meaning your brain will search for proof over and over and over again, you don't have freedom, you don't have freedom, you don't have freedom. Look at that thing. There's no freedom there. Look at that thing. There's no freedom there. And remember, this is not sabotage, this is literally our brains way of protecting us, right? Because you think of an instance of, you know, let's say that you were attacked one evening, your brain is going to say, it's not safe to go out at night, it's not safe to do this, it's not safe to whatever the case may be, right? That's a self protection mechanism. But it happens with our belief systems as well, as well. And so one of the most important things that we can do is shift the beliefs that we have. So as much as we want to get into action, before you can get to action, you actually have to shift that belief, you have to embody something different, right? So I help my clients through this process called the affirmation confirmation loop, which is fully something that I created and have no better name for. I've just called it after years. To find the, to find that belief, and then ask yourself on the flip side of that, right, so let's just say as a for instance, if you said to me, I have no time freedom whatsoever, I would say, Tell me more, tell me why you don't believe you have time freedom. And you would list out all the reasons why you do not have time freedom. And I would just accept that, right? Because again, our instant thing is to say you're wrong, you whatever, this is horrible right now, I of course, of course, you feel like you have no time freedom, I totally see that I get that I understand that and validate that. And now I'm going to ask you the question, how do you have time freedom? And you're gonna start to answer that question. And you're gonna see, in any question, I promise you, you can find, and it's so interesting to see my clients, you'll they'll be like, I don't have time freedom, because this this is, and I'll say, how do you have time for him like, oh, well, you know, my job allows me to, they'll just start to go off, and you can just see their face brain. And so I'll remind them in life, we all experience a very deep sense of duality. And that duality is that we're always going to have contrasting beliefs that are both true. Yeah, we're not trying to change this one belief, we're trying to shift how we see it. Right. And so the bridge that we're looking for is the affirmation between this reality that you are solely focused on. And this reality that also is true. And so if someone were to say, I do have time freedom, because my job, I actually really get to dictate my hours, let's just say that I actually get to dictate my hours. Okay. So that was one of the examples, I would ask them to create an affirmation that ties the two together. So a lot of times people create affirmations are very dreamy, you know, they're like, or I have complete freedom. And your brain is like, No, you don't like I don't buy this for once
chloe graham:over London, wealth is coming to me. It's like no, to me.
Ash McDonald:Your brain is not stupid, right? So that's why we do these two lists first, so that you can actually tie the two together, right? So if you see something over on this side of the list the list that is why you do have time freedom, that maybe says that your schedule is your own, then you get to create an affirmation that says, with a schedule, that's my own, I get to choose what freedom looks like. Let's say you have an affirmation like that. And the confirmation loop is that every day you look for proof on how that was true. How was it true today that you chose your freedom because your schedule is your own? How is it true today, and it could be something as simple as I grabbed lunch with a friend or I decided to work through lunch that I can get off earlier, or I whatever, it doesn't matter, tiny, tiny, tiny little examples, right? Whatever they are I, I went for a walk in the middle and I did my get my workout and I went into work at 9pm instead of 8am. Whatever it is, every day, you're gonna find proof of it. Because in every moment that you find proof your brain goes, Oh, so it's safe to believe that I have time freedom. It's real. It's true. It takes time. It's not just you have an affirmation, now it's done. It's it's days, weeks, months, sometimes years, depending on how deep seated The belief is where you get to solely focus. Like really intentionally focus on how this may be true, but this is too because I don't care how many actions that you take in your life. We cannot outdo or out strategize our brain. And that's all we ever tried to do. Right? I was telling my husband I was laughing to him because obviously I teach this stuff and yet still learning right? And I was like it's so funny. I'm realising that I came to Costa Rica with this full hearted belief that the difficulties I had around food and moving my body were just somehow going to subside because now is going to be a Costa Rican Yogi that just drinks out of coconuts and like eats fresh mangoes every day. Yeah, he's like, What do you mean? I'm like, we get into this idea that if I had a different job, then things would be different. The thing is that your reality is the way it is because of who you are not because Under the circumstances outside of you. So we have to change the inside in order to change the outside. So coming here doesn't mean that I'm all of a sudden going to love yoga, even though it sounded like a really cool idea.
chloe graham:I was 13,000 miles, and I thought I would become this totally different person and be happy and amazing rather than hating myself.
Ash McDonald:Exactly, exactly. So this is my call to action, it's not about anything that you can do outside of yourself, you cannot fix anything by doing, everything gets off by being and to be is to change the way that we believe, right. Because if you are believing that you have no time freedom, that your relationship sucks that you're a bad mom, that you're not successful, that you don't know what you're doing, the list goes on and on and on, if any of those beliefs are the ones that you carry, and you can see that they are actually holding you back from what's possible, then your job is not to be more productive, or have better time management skills, or whatever the case may be, none of those will fix it. Your job is to recognise that there are two truths. And you have unconsciously chosen one, you have the right today to choose the other.
chloe graham:I love that. And then there's that part that's connected to it, where as you were saying about feeling safe. We get, I used to do it a lot. And it's come up with a client as well, when it's like, I feel safe, ruminating on the past and going, I'm in victim mode, I've chosen the wrong things I've chosen. And then it's like, I don't have to dream because it's unsafe, and therefore I can't do it. So they're like, Oh, I feel sorry for myself, and because of my past decisions, and they sit there sort of dreaming about how they wish they could have changed the past, rather than going. You're stuck dreaming about the past and wishing you could change it because your future isn't enticing or beautiful or exciting and also doesn't feel safe. So how would you add on the last bit of this of like, you can dare to dream dreaming and moving into living life your dreams can feel safe and abundant and beautiful, as opposed to just staying stuck in the past and the present. That feels safe shifting the safe to that? Yeah.
Ash McDonald:Yeah. I mean, it's just that it's shifting the belief system, right? You have to uncover why it feels unsafe. Like, why does Why does dreaming feel unsafe? You get to answer that question, why does dreaming, feel safe, and really bridge that gap. But I would also add that important belief that I carry is that everything is happening for me. So, you know, we don't have time on this podcast, but your girl has been through some things, I have faced a lot of turmoil, a lot of hardship. And you know, it's really easy to look at people and just assume they got to where they are with such ease. And I want you to recognise that so much of what everybody goes through is a path you're meant to go through to unlock a door that only you can unlock. Right? Think of it as like Alice in Wonderland, right? Like, I had to go through this. And so it is easy to focus on our path, you know, in our past and how that's led us to where we are and tend to think like, this is just holding me back forever. But it could also be easy to be the kind of person who believes that this makes me something extra special. Right like this experience this journey, this path, this hardship, you know, the fact that I've been to jail, the fact that I've filed bankruptcy, the fact that I've lost a lawsuit, the fact that I've had multiple miscarriages, all of these experiences, they made me who I am. And I wouldn't change that. And also I recognise that my life there's gonna be a lot more I'm not going to hesitate on what's possible because of what's also possible.
chloe graham:Yeah, I was gonna say hearing your story about the your old house. And then when you recently posted that you've paid off the last of the loan or whatever, I I just, I love it when people share what they've been through because of you know, the emotive connection that you can have to people, they seem more real, and more human. And it just means it's like, as you were saying, you know, everything happens for a reason, and it's a journey of how much more resilience and strength of character do you now know that you have because of everything that you went through?
Ash McDonald:Yeah. Oh my gosh, an ending. I mean, if anything, I'm just so sure that I can really take on anything. You know, my son this morning, my oldest son is really, really into wrestling right now. WWE wrestling, which never in my life, would have WWE wrestling on the TV constantly. But that's what's happening. And he's really into like John Cena and the rock back in the day, like when they were back in the day. And he is. He's been talking a lot about how, how fierce and tough and all the things they are, which I kind of love. And we were doing homeschooling this morning. And he was like, I don't want to do this. And I paused and I said, Really, buddy, and he gets up and he goes, You're right. I'm not a quitter. And if it hard, if it's hard, it just means that what comes after it so much bigger than I could imagine. I thought, dammit, he's smart. So, God is, right, is that everything that feels hard? Is a path to something greater? Are you gonna show the hell up for it? Are you gonna sit down and cry? Right, and I say that and also like, you can sit down and write it down and cry a little bit, you know, but then get back up, like, give yourself space to get up. Right? Everything that's challenging now is creating something you can't can't even wrap your head around. And I guess that's just the belief, the belief that I carry is that when nothing is certain anything is possible.
chloe graham:As opposed to what a lot of people carry. It's like, if I can't control something, it's scary. And I'm going to lose my shit.
Unknown:Or what if that anything was possible?
chloe graham:I love right. Yeah, I love that we are shifting that I love that. This is a huge. It's like taking off the chains of your life when you can realise this. What an amazing conversation. Yeah, I love it. Do you want to talk a little bit about? I don't know how many more days because I'll try and edit this and get it up in the next day or so. But your limitless co bundle or even just the flow lab, you do want to talk a little bit about that, because they're probably the best ways for people to start entering your world.
Ash McDonald:Yeah, yeah. So there's two things I would say right now that are really set for the inner healing amongst everything else. One is the full app, which is a DIY course that I always have available. It is currently priced at two to two on its own, and it will be increasing soon. But essentially, this is a a do it yourself, like the step by step guide. First thinking with your cycle, everything that you need to know to understand your hormones to understand each of the phases to create what I call your own cyclical blueprint. And to adopt your own menstrual synergy, like I walk you through like face to camera, every single step that it takes to keep this super simple, super easy, but super, super life changing. So that would be the flow lab. And the other thing that we have right now that is something I'm so excited about. And I know you know about this is a retreat that we're hosting in Italy and we just have a couple spots left that this retreat which is happening in October so doors closed September 20. So there's a little bit more time to snag a spot if you want to again there's just a couple spots left. But I'm co hosting it with a colleague of mine who's also a therapist and this retreat is not for entrepreneurs it is for ambitious women who want to do the inside work it is complete and utter inner healing from like the depths of your core up everything from you know a somatic work that will be doing one on one therapy sessions with each of us like the kind of work that doesn't exist we created something that we have never seen before to kind of fast track the healing that we all desire so deeply over a five day period in Tuscany Italy which of course in and of itself is dreamy, you know with Chef curated Italian food and a beautiful pool and adventures that I can't talk about because it's a surprise and like all the amazing things but also to to mentors, healers and coaches to support you so that is called the revival retreat which happens late October and doors closed September 20
chloe graham:Wow. I love that if I hadn't had leave left this year I'd be going on it again wise like I need to have built my business up so that I can come and do these things. Because wow I've watched the you know your stories and your videos about the retreats that you've done this year already. I'm just like, what a beautiful container to be in of just sisterhood because my groups the liberation sisterhood because it's all about supporting each other rising together. Just creating this beautiful bond so we can like mirror the love to each other. I love this stuff.
Ash McDonald:So good. So good. Yeah, this is my last retreat of the year, which is crazy. It's retreat number one For five, five, it's my fifth retreat this year and the last one for the year.
chloe graham:I love it. Yeah, thank you so much for being here and sharing your unique coaching and world. I just love it. It's so different from so many other people out there and it's such a beautiful message to share.
Ash McDonald:Well, thank you. I appreciate it. I love these kind of conversations.
chloe graham:I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thank you so much for spending the time to listen to it. Ash is one of my favourite people in the world. And I love watching her story and everything that she shares and all that knowledge that she has, please do check out her Instagram and also the links to those courses that she mentioned in the revival retreat will be linked in the show notes. But for now, thank you for listening. And don't forget I'm already proud of you babe.