Episode 12 Self-Love, Body Image & Mindset with Jessica Battle

Press play to listen to an EPIC conversation with Jessica Battle, a mindset and business coach who is an expert on self-love, body image and the mindset required to break lifelong patterns.  
Her 10 day 'Love your Body Bootcamp' starts Monday the 29th August.
Follow her on Instagram @join_jessica_xo
Listen to her Podcast: The Queen of Pep Talks here: https://podcasts.apple.com/nz/podcast/the-queen-of-pep-talks/id1482706449

Transcript

chloe graham: 0:00

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of and proud of you pay podcast and today we have the most incredible guest, Jessica battle. I love this conversation so much. And I know you guys want as well. Let's get to it

Unknown: 0:30

all right, thank you so much for joining me everyone. Today on my podcast, I have the beautiful Jessica Vatel. I found Jessica, probably April last year through her coach. She went on a retreat made up with her coach. And I then because she got tagged, I looked her up and I thought, wow, I really resonate with your content, I love your message. And then that meant I found your podcast, the queen of pep talks, which I love and listened to all the time. And then I went deep into the content deep into your courses. And I've done so many of them. And they've been so beautiful, both these sort of how to go through working through your limiting beliefs and your content. And a lot of all or nothing thinking because I think so many of us struggle with that. Yeah, and then even some of your business courses as well, which are amazing because you're doing so well and helping so many women. So that's how I found you if you want to talk a little bit about how you came to be who you are now.

Jessica Battle: 1:45

How much time do we have. So the long and short of how I got to this place where I am a full time entrepreneur coach in the online space influencer in the online space podcaster. I struggled with my weight my whole entire life. From the age of probably eight or nine years old, I knew that I looked different than most people around me in my life. And at that point in time, I was struggling a bit with my relationship with food, things got worse as I got older, long story short, I lost 100 pounds, gained it back lost it again gained a lot of it back again lost weight gained weight kind of yo yoed with my weight my whole entire life. And for a lot of that the last probably nine years of my life I've been sharing on social media. So I would set out on a weight loss journey. And I would decide I'm going to document this on social media. I was doing it initially on a Facebook page. And then Instagram became a thing and I started sharing it there. And through sharing my workouts that I was doing meals that I was eating before and after pictures which are super popular in the weight loss space, I accumulated quite a large following ended up in a lot of media I was on oprah.com, I was in the print of People magazine in the United States, I got a lot of media attention around my weight loss journey. But behind the scenes, I was still really struggling with binge eating and emotional eating. And that was not something at the time that I was being really open and transparent about. So I was at this crossroads in my life where I realised I've achieved 120 pound weight loss at the time I was super thin from the outside looking in life should have been great, but I was still really struggling. And I knew that weight loss was not the answer to happiness, which I thought it was going to be for so much of my life, I thought that changing my body manipulating my body, living in a smaller version of me would just make me so happy. And it didn't. So about five years ago, I set out on a journey to self discovery, I would say in improving the relationship that I had with myself and really focusing on the parts of myself that I had neglected for a really long time healing from childhood trauma that I had been through addressing daddy issues, abandonment issues, and really working on my own confidence and my ability to validate my feelings, feel my feelings not turned to food to cope. And it led to a really beautiful business. Ultimately, what started happening was people were reaching out to me and saying, I've loved watching your weight loss journey. But something is really different about you like what have you been doing? And I just started sharing that I was really working on parts of myself that I had avoided for a long time and prioritising my mindset. And people were like, can you teach me how to do that too. So I started creating courses on what I was doing behind the scenes to not just create more success in my life, but to feel better in my life, which is what I care so much about helping the women who come into my world with and about three years ago, I started my coaching business, creating courses and working with clients and helping them improve their mindsets build and develop relationships with themselves and create the success that they're really creating, whether it's with food freedom body image or in their businesses, and it's led me to a really beautiful place in my life where I've been able to impact to 1000s of women, and it's just so rewarding. But that's the short story.

Unknown: 5:06

Thanks so much for that. I did not know that you've been on. What was it? oprah.com? The law? Yeah, yeah, it was on oprah.com, Huffington Post, People Magazine, there were a lot of media outlets that I was featured in. Because I mean, weight loss journeys are popular, they're catchy for the eye, people are really inspired by them. But all of that outward facing success, it was still the things within me that needed healing. And it was, it was really quite interesting for me, because you would think I would be really happy with everything that was happening. But inside it was just completely emotionally broken. Because the relationship that I had with myself was so terrible. Hmm. So each time is if you did it twice, I think you had that huge weight loss, when it got to the skinniest Was it an immediate rebound back up? Or was there like a period of time where you managed to maintain it? Because what I really think people struggle with and what I think there's a big block towards why people still believe that skinny is the answer to happiness is maybe it's interesting that even though you got there, and we're only there for a tiny bit of time, you managed to realise that being skinny wasn't the answer, because I'm trying to phrase it. It's like, how, how did you literally say to yourself, I just need to be skinny? For longer, maybe then I'll be happy. It was only because I was skinny for a tiny bit. Do you know what I mean? It's like how shift happen? Well, I think for me, there, there was this narrative that I had told myself, and the stories that we tell ourselves are really what create our reality and how we feel there was this narrative that I had that I don't know where it came from. But I believed as soon as I hit this goal weight, or as soon as I fit in this size of clothing, my life is just going to like completely change, I'm going to look in the mirror and be in love with the way that I look. That was the biggest thing for me, it was like, I thought, not necessarily that a smaller body would make me happy. But I thought that looking in the mirror and liking my body would make me happy. And I connected a smaller body to being able to like my body. So when I got to my smallest, I was looking in the mirror and I was like, Oh, wow, like, I still think I'm fat. Like I had such a really Am I allowed to curse I had a really, I hadn't really fucked up perspective of my body when I was my thinnest 150 pounds at five foot nine, I looked in the mirror, and I was just like, you still need to lose more weight. All I saw on my body were the flaws, the things that I didn't like, there was no love and appreciation for my body. And I think that the disconnect for so many women is they have this belief that living in a smaller body will make them view their bodies different. But it won't, if you pick your body apart at 250 pounds, you can guarantee that you're going to pick your body apart at 150 pounds, it's like, you have to actually shift the narrative and relationship that you have with your body to be able to appreciate your body losing weight in and of itself doesn't do that. So when I got to my smallest, it was like, I still don't like what I see when I look in the mirror. So of course, it's not going to be the thing that makes me happy. So I knew immediately like this is not the answer. Yeah, I just I really love that you're helping other people make that transition. Because I think so many people get stuck there. Another thing, I think that and I love your posts, especially if some of the more recent ones you've put about sort of the consistency. And this is what it looks like not this your graphics, I've really adored those. I would love for you to talk a little bit about all or nothing thinking because people seem to think and this is I'm really not a fan of 75 hard because I'm like if people are going to go from nothing, and then they're going to fail at it multiple times because they can't do all of those things every single day. And they have to start again. That's I could I could complain about it forever. And I think that I think that the I think it's like anything else the idea of it. It's not inherently bad. And for the right person, it could be a really good challenge. But for the type of woman that I work with a woman who has yo yo dieted her whole entire life has this all or nothing thinking where she's all in busting her butt working as hard as she can, for the short term, maybe create some result but then realises this isn't actually sustainable. And with the all or nothing thinking that instability like when you can't sustain it and you do one little thing wrong, your mind immediately tells you failure, you should just quit now because you can't keep going at this rate, and then they end up giving up on themselves and sabotaging and going right back to all their old patterns and behaviours until they're frustrated enough with themselves again where they're like okay, let's start over and have another day one and go all in again which I love the idea of being all in. But all in from a mindset standpoint does not mean perfect from a strategy standpoint. So it's like, you can be so deeply committed to your goals and be all in. But you're still never going to be perfect. And the idea that one little mistake means you failed, and you have to start over, I think is just incredibly toxic for a woman who is struggling with all or nothing thinking. Because that's not what the reality of long term sustainable success looks like, in any area of your life, if you want to create long term, sustainable success, which, in my opinion, what's the what's the point of any other kind of short term success is it's fine, but it's like, if it's not going to last, what's the point? And if you want to create that longevity, you have to figure out how do I show up in a way that's going to allow me to feel good enough that I want to do this for the rest of my life? Because if not, you'll just continue in these like, all in all out mentalities. And that never really moves you forward, because you take five steps forward, but then you quit, and you take 15 steps back, so you're never actually making real progress. Yeah, I love that. Because one of the things that I think shifted my thinking is something that I think Tony Robbins was saying, he was like, everyone wants to do the least painful option, that's kind of one the most easy. So we have to kind of be able to flip the script in our head, and like, You talk a lot about showing up for yourself, I'm the woman who does this for myself to love myself. So the pain of the workout is got to be less, you know, like the pain of like, you know, jumping squats, or whatever it is, it's got to be less than the pain of consistently letting yourself down. Yeah, absolutely. The the biggest problem that I see with this is that letting ourselves down in the short term, that consequence doesn't feel quite so big. We feel disappointed with ourselves, and we feel frustrated. But it's like, we don't feel the immediate consequence of what that looks like, over a long period of time. And it's really easy to just one day justify not showing up for yourself, but before you know it, it's been a week and then a month, and then it's just your autopilot to say, Oh, well, I can't do it right now. I don't have the time, whatever that excuses that you insert to not do it. And that becomes your go to and then you look back 10 years later, and you're like, oh, wow, I never got what I wanted. But it wasn't intentional that that happened. It wasn't a plan to not do it for so long. That it just becomes like the go to for so many people like I don't have the time or I can't do it today. And the consequences. We don't feel it so strongly in the moment that it's so easy to do that every day. But at the end of our lives, we feel the consequences, big time with all of the regret of the things that we never actually did. Yeah, yeah. I love that. And then so what do you say to people, when they're saying, I'll start tomorrow, I'll start. Like, I know what what that feels like. Because I lived that way for so much of my life. I think the reality comes to the point where you have to, this is about the relationship that you have with yourself. And I just think if you want to feel good in your life, you have to have an honest, respectful and trustworthy relationship with yourself. And the way that I look at it is every time I tell myself, I'm going to do something tomorrow, and tomorrow comes and I don't do it. I'm damaging the relationship that I have with myself, because I made a commitment that tomorrow I'm going to do something I promise myself tomorrow morning, I'm going to wake up and do it. And then when I don't, who How am I showing myself that I love myself, respect myself, or even care about my opinion of myself. And if I wouldn't allow a person who I'm in a relationship with, romantically friendship wise, even business wise, if I wouldn't allow someone else to continually break commitments to me, why am I allowing myself to continually break commitments to myself, so there comes a point where it's like, there's, there's no other way out of that mindset than having a long, hard conversation with yourself in the mirror and saying, I'm sick of your shit. You said, Tomorrow, you're gonna do it, you have to do it. It's like, there. People want this like, magical strategy or like secret recipe to creating success. It's like, you just have to get really fucking honest with yourself and decide that you are going to be the person who moves out of your own way so that you can have what you want. Because the continued broken promises, it's not only not getting you what you want, but every single time you do that you're damaging the relationship that you have with yourself. And I go to bed with myself every single night. I sure as hell want to love the person that I'm laying down with, you know what I mean? And it's like, people just don't see themselves that way. We were never taught at least I was never taught to honour my relationship with myself or even care about it or make it a priority. And it's so hard for people to grasp that concept at 3040 50 years old. It's like, well, I don't know what it's like to have a relationship with myself. But you have to go on a journey of exploring that and really building that relationship. Yeah, I love your journal prompts, if you want to talk a little bit about that. because you've got one of the most beautiful journals I've ever seen that you sell. And I've got these incredible because with a lot of clients that I work with, they would love to start journey journaling, but they have no idea what to say. And I say free, right? They don't have the ability to free, right? And so they get lost. And then the habit goes out the window, do you want to speak a little bit about you know, how you then start the day with the intention and the prompts of what you need to do. And I love that when you also close the chapter of asking yourself at the end of the day, did I make myself proud today kind of thing? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So I created the Create Joy Journal, for that exact reason I had been, you know, listening to Tony Robbins, and Brene Brown, and all these people who were like, these are the things that you should do to improve your life. And one of the things that kept recurring was like, get into a practice of journaling, get into a practice of connecting with yourself through journaling. And I was like, Well, I don't know what to journal about. I don't know what to write about. And I started playing around with like, different things that I saw online and things that people were suggesting. And I created a process for myself that felt really good, which is the Create Joy Journal process. And the focus of that, for me is really, number one. First thing that I want to do in the morning, is get in touch with how I'm feeling because how many women wake up in the morning at the very last second, and they feel like before the day is even started, the day has gotten away from them, because they haven't taken the time to be intentional with themselves. So every morning, the first question that I'm asking myself is, how am I feeling? That's like a check in for me, you know, you wake up with your partner, and you're like, how are you today baby or whatever. But like, when do you look in the mirror and say, How are you doing today? So for me, it's like I say good morning to my husband. And then I go downstairs and I check in with myself, like how are you feeling today. And it's an opportunity to be honest about how you're feeling, but also a really beautiful opportunity to take accountability for why you're feeling that way. Because so many of us are blaming everything outside of us for the way that we're feeling. But if we could take ownership of who we have been, that has contributed to that feeling, it can be so powerful. So it's an opportunity. For example, say, for instance, today, I didn't do any of the things I said I was going to do and I procrastinated all day long, I'm probably going to wake up tomorrow morning, not feeling so good about myself, because I'm going to be kind of bummed that I didn't do what I said I was going to do today. So if I wake up tomorrow morning, and I can check in with myself and say, not really feeling so good today didn't sleep that great last night, also a little bit disappointed with myself because I didn't do what I said I was going to do yesterday, how can I take accountability for that and change that feeling? Because if I recognise these are the things that make me feel bad. And I know that I'm the one that's in control of that, what can I do today to move me to a better feeling place. So in conjunction with that gratitude is super important. So that's a part of the journal just really taking intentional time to focus on the things that we're grateful for in life. And like you said, acknowledging the things that we're proud of. I think that so many women are waiting until something massive happens in their lives to celebrate their success. And it's like, I celebrate the fact that I made my bed today like the littlest things in my life. I'm celebrating because it's an opportunity for me to improve again, the relationship that I have with myself if words of affirmation for you are a love language, and you'd like for your husband or your spouse to tell you. You're beautiful. You look nice today. You did a good job. Be a woman who starts giving that to herself and watch how your life will change. Hell yeah. I love that reminder. I love that reminder. Yeah, I'm words of affirmation. So I need to do that. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, even like, for an example, I was actually laughing at myself today. Um, I'm speaking at an event on Sunday and to be quite transparent. I'm a little bit nervous about it. And this morning, I'm in the bathroom and I was in the mirror for like five minutes. And I was just being my biggest hype girl. I was like, Jessica, you are amazing. You are so smart. And so intelligent. Like your energy is incredible. People love you, you love you. Like, be the person who makes you feel the way that you want to feel in your life. Because the problem is, so many of us are looking for external validation and support from outside of ourselves. But that is so fleeting, like you can tell me right now Chloe, you could say, Jessica, you're amazing. And I love you. While I appreciate that in the moment, when we hang up the Zoom call, I don't have that from you anymore. So how do I get that feeling? Without someone being there to tell me that they think I'm amazing. That's by telling myself that I'm amazing. I love that. And I think one thing that I struggled with when I was at my worst, especially like my bulimia years, the thing I struggled with is like how do you hold yourself accountable, but not slip into the bullying because I bullied myself into trying to lose weight and like you're such a failure. And it was I thought I wasn't bullying myself hard enough. Because I wasn't being accountable. I think it was in embody. You might have said I can't remember which One or MBs, where it was talking about putting that pause between the thought of not believing every thought that you have. So you say, Yeah, I'm having the thought that, yeah, love. And I use that all the time. So when you're talking to people and trying to show them how important this relationship with themselves is, when they really feel that the only way that they can get the results, ie that dedication, that accountability, that growth, that consistency, how do you show them that bullying yourself to get there is not the way to do it? And yes, did you can get all of those factors, but in a kind of way? Yeah. I think honestly, what I would do is ask them, How has treating yourself that way, thus far worked out for you? Because I think sometimes people need to, especially as a coach, I think it's our job, not only to obviously give our clients guidance and support, but give them the opportunity to see how what they've been doing has been working out for themselves. So posing the question to somebody of like, if you've been bullying yourself for the last 15 or 20 years around this, has it gotten you the result that you wanted? And they can take accountability and say, well, actually, no, it hasn't gotten me the result that I wanted. And then you can pose the opportunity of like, well, would you like to try something that could benefit you. And not only that, but like not only will this benefit you and help you get the result that you want, but it's going to help you feel better in the moment. Like, that's what so much of this work for me is about as Yes, I want to help people get the things that they want, I want to help them achieve their goals. But most importantly, I want women to love themselves along the way and feel really good because the journey to creating success is more about the journey than the actual success itself. Because that that milestone, it's so fleeting, it comes in it goes you celebrate it for a moment, but the six months or a year or two years or five years that it took you to get there. That's the majority of the time that you're going to remember right. So it's like how do you feel along the way, and treating yourself and meeting yourself with love and kindness and compassion, it's going to feel so much better than telling yourself you're a piece of shit every day, and you should try harder. Yeah, and then say these The other aspect to that of like, the journey and the goal, the fittest times that I've been in the last few years, and I adored the journey as well. But it needed an external goal to get there. I did a little bit of a bodybuilding one and a show that was not fun, especially towards the end, because I woke up the morning of the show looking the best I'd ever done in my life. And then I went up on stage with girls that looked a hell of a lot better than me because they'd be doing it for longer. And you've got this, I feel great. Oh, no, I'm useless. And then. But the thing is, when I would then switch to powerlifting, which I adored, because it wasn't about what I looked like it was how strong I could get. And I love that. But the thing is, especially when it came to sort of choosing not to eat the chocolate bar, I literally had to weigh in for a comp. And I was I was so determined to show up for myself on the day on the stage because you literally couldn't compete if you were overweight. But it's like how do I get that? It's and I think a lot of bodybuilders feel it as well, like a lot of my friends were bodybuilders and they say I love being in the zone, because as the day in a show, and then they love the journey, because the consequences are very obvious when there's a stage or a platform. It's like, how do we get even the people that love the journey towards the show or the platform for the competition? How do we bring that without the external competition and bring it as in like you say, showing up for yourself every day, being that long term strategy. That's yeah, my struggle with Well, one of the it's honestly the most basic shift that I have made for myself in my own life, because so I now that I am, you know, binge free and free from emotional eating, I do not set any kind of body goals, I will not set a goal to lose weight. The only kind of goal that I would even play with is getting stronger in my workouts, improving my endurance, things like that. But the shift I think is really simple. You just make the goal, how you show up for yourself. So instead of it being something external, it's these are the standards that I hold myself to every day. And if I did those things at the end of the day, I get to be proud of myself because I achieved the goal and that gives you an opportunity to achieve your goal every single day. But I also don't think there's anything wrong with being driven by external goals driven by a competition date or start date of something. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But it's when that comes to the point where the day is here and then on the other side of that you completely give up on those habits. That's the problem. It's like working hard for something to get there is amazing but it You don't get to go back to binge eating or being completely sedentary and maintain any type of result, you're gonna go right back to where you were, if you don't maintain the habits that got you there, it doesn't necessarily have to be in the same extreme or to the same level, obviously, because like bodybuilding competitions and things like that, that type of training is not meant to be sustainable long term, you're not supposed to cut fat your entire life, like it's a phase that you go through to get there, right? That's not something that's meant to be sustained long term. So it's knowing the difference, like, is this something that I'm working hard to, to get to a point where I'm then done because I reached the goal, but then how do I maintain the feeling that I had along the way? What does that look like? I love that, because feelings so are so powerful, aren't they? Yeah, thoughts, feelings, actions, emotions, oh my gosh. So going from that, when we come into the feeling and the emotions, we have like one of the best things I think I got last year, it might have been through one of your programmes. It's like, I realised that in my apartment that I used to live in, I would be sitting on my desk working at something and then I'd get up and go to the kitchen and open the cupboard for a snack. And then I think you said something, I can't remember exactly what it was. But it was like, I opened the cupboard door. And I said, Okay, what shall happen? Yeah, I the the statement that I put in there for myself that I generally teach my clients is if you can have the self awareness to pause in that moment, and ask yourself, How am I going to feel on the other side of this behaviour, standing there knowing I'm not actually hungry, but I'm choosing to eat something if we can take that moment to pause and ask, How am I going to feel on the other side of that? And if the answer is I'm going to feel good about myself. Great, do it if the answer is I'm probably not going to feel so good about myself. Let's give him a moment of thought to reconsider that behaviour. Because you know, it's not in alignment with who you're trying to become. That's it. Yeah. And I just, I kind of said that to myself. And then I was like, Okay, but why am I here? Yeah. And I was like, Okay, what just happened? What just happened that made me go for my default, something happened emotional eating. I'm going to the cupboard. And it was like, Oh, wow, I was just trying to learn something on a course that was really tough. And I didn't understand it. And it was like, oh, quit, leave the room. And then I was that was like a defining moment for me last year, because I've stopped bingeing like full on bingeing, I'll just my days now if I have a kind of a day that I'm not living up to my goals, and just be purely just eating a bit too much. extra snacks before dinner, it's not like a full out binge, which I'm praying. So that's amazing. Yeah, you should be so proud of yourself. That's amazing. Thank you. Thank you, God, such a journey. But the Yeah, that that being able to pause and go, Oh, wow. I need to just sit down and pause or take a break and go outside. Yeah, I'm not hungry. I just need to realise what happened. Yeah, you're looking for something to take the to distract you from what you're currently feeling. And food is such a good escape. Because it's really enjoyable in the moment, especially in moments like that, where we're choosing like, highly like calorie dense foods that tastes amazing. They're extremely palatable. Like we we enjoy them. It's a distraction from the frustration or the disappointment, or the anger or the loneliness, or whatever it is that we're feeling. It's a great distraction. But you know, there are other things in our lives that are positive for us, that can be distractions, as well, can we choose those to distract ourselves in a way that actually leads to feeling better, instead of choosing something that we know on the other side of, we're actually going to feel worse, like, if the goal is to feel better, let's actually feel better. Let's not just choose something that feels better in the short term to only feel worse on the other side doesn't make sense. I love that the goal is to feel better do something that's actually good. It's so it's so simple, but it's like these are some of the hardest things to grasp for people. Yeah. Yeah. And then I kind of want to move on to the stories that we tell ourselves, but on a big, like, what are the biggest stories that we tell ourselves and emotional? And we talked before we came on air, about trauma from our childhood, and how that creates the behaviours, the stories that run in our head, and then how we can actually get stuck in those stories. And we give them power. And we say, I'm giving all of the power to the limiting beliefs of why I can't do this, because I grew up with this, this this, and then they refuse to almost release the identity of a trauma survivor and whatever that is, and then also say, Well, I can't eat healthily because of my trauma. Now, do you want to talk a little bit on that? Yeah, absolutely. So you know, I grew up with quite a dis Functional Family my dad abandoned me when I was six years old, huge, huge abandonment issues throughout my honestly entire life that led to a lot of dysfunctional behaviour with men in my life and me not treating myself well not setting boundaries and standards for who I allowed in my life. My mom is two years sober now, but was an alcoholic, for the large majority of my life, my brother physically emotionally abusive my whole entire life in and out of jail in prison my entire life, there was a lot of dysfunction. And I found myself in a very similar situation to what you're describing probably around the age of 25, or 26, where I realised that I was doing a lot of blaming, I blamed my current situation in every area of my life and my weight and the relationships that I was choosing and my financial situation and the fact that I had dropped out of college seven times the fact that I was living paycheck to paycheck, and I had a 500 credit score, and I was$60,000. In Debt, I was blaming my whole life, pretty much on other people outside of me, well, if my dad hadn't abandoned me, then I wouldn't be like I am today. And I wouldn't settle for what I'm settling for. And I would be smarter. And I would be this and if I had guidance from my mom, and it was so easy to do that because I didn't have to take accountability for where I was. But what I realised is those people who made an impact on my life, they're living their lives still, to this day, in whatever form or fashion looks good for them. And I'm still allowing their lives and how they chose to show up for me to dictate my life now that I'm an adult. And it was like am I going to continue to give my power away to things and this was a conversation that I even had to have with myself around food, when I was binge eating was like, I'm giving my power away to food, I felt like a victim to food. That's for many years, that's how I would describe my relationship with food, I felt powerless, I felt out of control. And I felt like food consumed my life in a way that I couldn't actually change, which is why I settled for being a binge eater until I was 30 years old, because I did not believe that I could actually change that. But when I started to take just a little bit of my power back in terms of my relationship with food, and say, I'm not going to play the victim to food anymore, I'm I'm going to take responsibility for the way that I eat, it gave me a little bit of sense of how powerful I actually was. And if I could take my power back around food, I can take my power back around every other thing in my life and stop playing victim to the way that I was raised, or my family dysfunction, or the relationships that I had been in or the way that I was abused, or how I was abandoned. I did not want my future to be written by my past. And there came a point where I just had to decide if I want to create a life that I really love, and that I really enjoy. I cannot let people who don't actually control my life right now continue to have control over my life. And that's what I was doing. Yeah, it's like, how do we when those behaviours and those reactions and getting triggered by things as they feel like we've got no control over them, and they feel like they're a knee jerk reaction and stuff. It's, you're saying and you're proof and that you can break those triggers and those really fast reactions, whatever they are. And so are you saying like, when you got power, like food was your starting point, it's like, if I can control this and take my power back, then I can do that with ever everything else in my life. Yeah, absolutely. So for me, the journey into really discovering myself started with a desire to heal my relationship with food. And I had to figure out how do I stop these behaviours with foods that are not serving my life? How do I take control back over, you know, this idea that I am just powerless to food? And when my mind says go eat, I have to go eat? How do I take the power back there? And when I started to do that, I began to realise wow, like, I had convinced myself for so long that I was not capable of doing this simply because I didn't allow myself the opportunity to actually do it. Every time that something hard would happen. It would be like, Oh, well, this is just who I am. But who I am was not who I wanted to be. It was like I'm identifying myself as this person that I don't even want to be anymore. Why am I fighting to be her? If that's not who I want to be? I don't want to identify myself as an emotional eater and a binge eater anymore. So why do I just keep falling back on? Oh, well, I'm a binge eater. So this is how I act with food. I had to start recreating my identity and deciding, I don't want to be who I've been up until now, who do I want to be? And I had to start identifying myself that way. And I didn't want to be a victim. To my circumstances. I didn't want to be a binge eater. I didn't want to be a woman who blamed her family for her current circumstances. I wanted to take my power back and be in control of the choices that I made moving forward. So that was the story that I started telling myself. I am a woman who is in control of her circumstances, and she chooses her behaviours no one else chooses them for me. And then because the behaviours were good Self Love went up, the trust went up. And then the internal self talk changed. Yeah, it was, it was, quite honestly, it felt like the building and development of a brand new relationship. And I think the easiest comparison is like, when you meet a guy or girl, whoever you date, when you meet them out at a bar, and you start going on dates with them, how do you let them know that you like them? And how do they let you know that they like you? How do you give that to yourself, like really working on intentionally rebuilding the relationship, keeping your word to yourself following through with your commitments, speaking to yourself with love, kindness and compassion, like being a person that you would want to be in a relationship with, because whether you realise it or not, you are in a relationship with yourself. So that, for me was like the start of rebuilding the self trust and the respect and the honesty and the communication with myself and keeping my commitment. And from there, my entire life has just continued to improve. Because when I tell myself, I'm going to do something I treat myself like I'm someone I care about, and I actually follow through and do it, which leads to a different result in my life. Yeah, yeah. Because I think a lot of the story, especially that the victim mentality tells us is we need to sort through all of our trauma and heal from it first, before we can love ourselves before we can start eating well, it's like you're gonna be working on you know, we weren't around for the rest of your life. Well, I think that I think there are two things there that's so relevant for me because I, for so much of my life convinced myself that I could not heal my relationship with food until I healed through my daddy issues. And I'm 30 I'm going to be 36 years old this year, I've done a lot of work around my abandonment issues, I still have daddy issues, but I'm five years binge free and have not used food as an emotional coping mechanism and five years, because I realised I will probably never fully heal from that a child should not be abandoned by their father, I will probably forever hold some kind of feelings around that if I use that as an excuse to not improve other parts of my life. I'm going to continue to hold myself back. I love that I love and I love this sort of the power because it builds on itself. You know, it's just like this baby steps, like a big part of my coaching is baby steps. Okay, what's more or less little step that you can take today? Yeah. Okay, well, I'd love to sort of hand it over to you now about ways that people can work with you at the moment because you've done and you're rerunning it. Aren't you that love your body? Course, if you want to talk a little bit about that, because it's so powerful. Yeah, absolutely. So I believe whether you're a woman who is a binge eater, an emotional eater, or you just lack confidence in your body, I think that one of the most important pieces to really improving your relationship with yourself, for most women who have body image issues, is to learn to make peace with the body that you're in. And the course is called Love Your Body bootcamp. But it's really a journey of not just loving your body, but really learning to love yourself and shifting the perspective away from, you know, approaching change from a place of self hate, and I hate my body, and I can't stand my body. And that's why I have to lose weight to learning to love and appreciate your body exactly as it is now. So that on your journey for change, whether that's in weight loss, or improving your relationship with food, you can feel good along the way. And when you get to the place where you want to be physically, you actually really like who you see looking back at you in the mirror, because weight loss alone and changing your body alone, it's not going to be the key to doing that if you want to change the relationship that you have with your body, you have to intentionally work on changing the relationship that you have with your body not weight loss, because they're not the same. And for so many of us. There's this like, connection, oh, I lose weight. I like my body not true. And so many women have evidence of that in their lives. So I want to help women learn to improve the relationship that they have with their bodies and themselves so that they can feel good along the way. And if they do want to lose weight when they get there, they look in the mirror and actually love what they see staring back at them. Oh my god, I love that. I love the fact that I wish we could come shout this from the rooftops. Like they're two separate things, you know, losing weight and loving your body. They're not the same thing. I know, I just I was just recording a podcast about this today. And one of the things I was talking about is so many women have this correlation between being on a diet and treating themselves well, like the only time that they eat a vegetable or eat fruit or drink water and get enough sleep or go on a walk or exercise is when they're on a diet and I'm like our thinking is just so messed up like that. The only time that you have a standard for your body is not just when you're dieting like learn to have a standard for how you treat yourself and your body for the rest of your life and things will change but, you know diet culture has our minds so messed up and unfortunately, many of us women my age or have learned from their parents And so many of these behaviours, because that's what our parents went through and our moms went through. And so it's like, eventually somebody has to choose to break this cycle. And I'm so grateful for the opportunity that I have to work with women who are moms of young girls, and they're choosing to break this cycle so that their daughters don't also have to experience this because you have to be aware of the fact that people are watching you. And if you have young children, and you're living with these dysfunctional behaviours, with your body and food, your kids are paying attention, and it's most likely just going to repeat. And then because they're learning how to behave from you. Yeah, I had it slightly different. My dad was very insecure about and would judge people on the weight. And then if I put on weight, it would come from him. Because I think something in him was saying, if he wasn't as fit as he could be, then people wouldn't respect him as much. So there's so many different ways that can show him a growing up. And I just Yeah, I think it's, you're on a mission the same as me to create as many cycle breakers as we can. Absolutely 100%. And that starts with us. And you know, we, we did the work for us, and how beautiful that we've chosen to dedicate our lives to helping others do the same, because it's like, I think so many women have just settled for the reality that they currently live in. And they have convinced themselves that this is the best it's ever going to be. And this is the best it can get. And I was there I was at a point I was willing to just settle with my life being what it was. And I'm so glad that I made the decision to work on myself because I never knew how good life could really be and how good it could feel. But most women will never experience that because they've convinced themselves that it's not possible for them, which makes me very sad. Gosh, I can keep talking to you forever. Wow. Because I was just thinking like you had no idea how great life could get. It's like you've married the man of your dreams. You've got a beautiful home, you have the most incredible daily habits and you show that to us every day. You know, you you're embodying what a great life could be and your business is so successful, and you're helping so many people. All of that is great. But the most important piece of it is that I'm at peace with myself like it all everything outside of us can be really incredible. And I think a lot of women experiences who are high achievers and successful things outside of you can be really great. But when there's a disconnect within yourself and how you're showing up for you in your own personal life and in your own habits, routines and rituals, you're never going to feel as good as you actually deserve to feel and the experiences that you have in life of the things that are really great. They don't feel quite as good as they deserve to feel because you're not prioritising yourself. I love that. I think we'll finish with that because I want people to take it home with them. Absolutely. Yeah. So welcome. No problem. My pleasure. Thank you so much for coming on here. I'll put everything in the show notes on our link your podcast and your Instagram on there as well. Everyone listening if you're wanting more information, please check out Jessica's courses coming up. The Love Your Body one it will revolutionise your mind I've been in so many of her courses I can stand testament to how good they are and how powerful and I'm sure you're gonna hear how good a speaker she is. So she she's got