Episode 4 My story part 2, mentors, coaches, all or nothing thinking.

The story continues...

The next chapter in my way to being right here now with you.

My website www.chloegrahammindsetcoach.com

Instagram @bechloebeyou

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Big hugs,

Remember to say to yourself today 'I'm proud of you babe xx'

Transcript

Hey, it's Chloe. Welcome back. I'm so happy you're here with me, this is part two of my story. And I'm so thrilled you're here. Let's just get right into it. No hints at all

Hello, welcome. So for the first season ever have your time spent with me. And as always, thank you for being here. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for joining me on this journey as we learn all about self-love confidence, the right mindset to have, and how we're just going to improve our lives. So we're not stuck in these horrible cycles. And I guess we're still working through my story and why I'm here and why might have something to say, based on all of the learning I've done and the journey I've been through. And we left off the last episode when I finished sort of working intensively with my psychologist. And then that kind of takes us up to about the middle of 2017. And my I lost my sleep, I was told I was going to be made redundant from my first airline hear the whole alarm was shutting down, and I lost my sleep. And this was kind of a big lesson for me in the fact that pills won't fix everything. Alcohol won't fix everything. Sugar won't fix anything. Because if you've I feel for you, if you've ever lost your sleep long term, it is a killer. Oh my goodness. So I got to the point where I was taking sleeping pills, and I was still wide awake, and nothing worked. And then I finally sat through a talk lecture thing. And they told me about meditation. I was like, right, I've got to try that too because clearly nothing else is working. And I tried it. And the first time I tried it. I didn't sleep straight afterward. But I was literally like, my skin was humming, like, you know, when you hold onto an electric fence kind of thing. So clearly, I was at the stress level, like fight or flight my body like there's no tomorrow, but I stuck with it and eventually got my sleep back. And that was a huge lesson for me and sort of the power of the mind and stuff like that because I'd never had sort of Western medicine or you know, drugs or anything fail me before. So yeah, big lesson there. And then I went for a promotion at my job for a managerial role, didn't get it, but my manager gave me put me in contact with this mentor and said, Look, I'm working with him. Do you want to work with him? I was like, holy shit. Yes, please. Thank you. And so that was my first kind of that was my first time working with someone who wasn't a therapist. This was sort of professional development kind of thing. And to this humans, synergistic personality sort of quiz, it's impossible to sort of fake it. And the results came back and Oh, my God, oh, my God. I've shared photos of this on Instagram before. But basically, it split, Lee asked you a whole bunch of questions, and then plots your results on a pie chart. And the side that I maxed out, everything was aggressive defensive styles. So it's like perfectionistic, competitive, power and oppositional. And then I also had a really high in the passive defensive style approval-based thinking. The other ones are conventional dependent and avoidance, or yet got loads of the avoidance, and then the construct of styles of achievement that's high self-actualizing, which is the complete realisation of one's potential and the full development of one's abilities and appreciation for life. So yeah, it's at the top of the Maslow Pyramid, if you've ever looked through that. And basically, it's like self love and understanding your potential I had zero of that humanistic encouraging, which is about trusting others to do the job that giving them autonomy, but then also holding them accountable, and then giving help. I've scored really low with that. And then affiliative behaviours sort of its reflect an interest in developing and sustaining pleasant relationships and making people feel part of things. And I just pushed people away. I didn't trust anyone. It was just horrendous. And, yeah, we worked together for about a year I'd see him once a month only. And I had a whole bunch of homework to do afterwards. And Potter to change my life like I redid the test. Six months later, and you have a look on my Instagram, I'll share it again, because obviously I'm referencing it in this podcast. But wow, that, that six months, changed my life. I stopped getting in my own way, I stopped pushing people away pissing people off. And I said, I remember saying to him on the first session, I'm worried I still won't be me. And he said, Chloe,

we're gonna make you you just a better version of you. And I was like, Okay, that sounds really cool. I want to stop frustrating myself, I want to stop being angry. And I'll talk about some of that stuff. Because the biggest one of the biggest ones for me was oppositional based thinking, like arguing for the sake of arguing because you're low on confidence. That revolutionary life alone, and I'll talk about in another podcast. So that took me up to 2018, where I started to think actually, I want to help other people. My inspiration for this work was at a high, high so far that I'd had in my life. And I thought, for the first time, my life, I need to now help other people. Because up until that point, it was all about helping me, myself, just stop being so hating life, you know, everything I said, so I wasn't ready. But I'm a big believer and starting before we're ready, but I really, really wasn't ready. So I am a person that will reach out to people and spend a lot of money on what I think will be the fastest way to close in patients. Fastest way for me to get the result that I want. So 2018, I spent a couple of $1,000 on Sam ovens course, I had no other research, I didn't do any other research into who was the best fit for me. And I think that's huge. Like when you're trying to find a coach, or therapist or personal trainer, you know, you realise that your friends or you really should vet your friends and you vet your part, to make sure your vibe well, and you're a good fit. And I think a lot of people sort of might try something like a therapist, and they don't get along. They don't feel like there's a connection and they give up on the whole idea. Rather than going okay, they're not the best fit for me. Let's go and find someone who's a better fit. So I did this with the SAM ovens course. I think it came up as a Facebook ad or something. And I spent the 2000. And then cringe when I say this, I up levelled because it wasn't quite what I wanted. And I just went for his bigger next best thing. And I think that was another $8,000 Oh, my God. And I tried, and I failed. And I was still at the point where obviously shame was a huge thing for me. And I just failed and didn't know how to handle it. Didn't know how to excuses not to go and chase this. Chase this dream. So I started researching and I I started going down the full blown clinical psychologist route because I have the security blanket around qualifications rather than life experience and studying and having a piece of paper and everything else. But I got one semester and I was doing really well at it. It was interesting, but it wasn't quite what I liked. And yeah, I quit. And I'm happy I quit because it was a good lesson in you can go directly to becoming a life coach and I started finding the people that inspired me the most online. And I just, I just went on this journey of discovery and it was taking the blinkers off because I think a lot of us, especially if it's sort of a mid mid career change, we kind of go what watch what can I fit into doing as opposed to I can do anything? Absolutely anything in the world that I want to I can make anything work that any age, if you really want to. It fits with who you are. It fits with your skill set, and that's that trifecta of blots. Amazing. So oh my gosh, I went on down a big journey of like the technology UX So user experience stuff. And then there was this nagging thing and God moms know right? Sometimes I She's like, Chloe, this is what you're really good at, like talking and engaging and camaraderie and rapport. And you've come such a long way.

Be brave enough, this is what you're meant to do. And finally, I was ready. So I did a life coaching qualification, and then started the whole journey of the business aspect of it. And poof, we think you're qualified, you think, you know, now it's okay to go out in the world and start coaching and teaching. But getting your message out there getting your voice heard, getting finding your voice, like finding the confidence within you to say, I am qualified to help you, I know I can help you, I've got this within me, I've got so many life lessons, I'm still on the, on the journey of learning, and I will be forever. And I just want to hold your hand and take me with you to more self love, more confidence, more peace, more acceptance of ourselves and just living life to the fullest as uniquely ourselves. I was talking to a client last week about one phrase that really shook me Well, before I was ready, but it stuck with me from when I was about 20. I think so we're talking 18 years ago. And I'd always sort of painted my toenails, red or French because I thought that was the only thing that guys would find sick, sexy, and they'd not like any of the other fun colours. You know, all of that sort of lie. Like you dress for other people, not for yourself, you fear being judged with what you wear. You want to look good to the opposite sex all the time, not what you want to wear. And I read this phrase, and I don't know why it stuck as a phrase alone. Maybe because I wasn't ready for anything else or ready to listen to anything else. But I told this to my client said, I read this in a magazine or something. And it said a guy started dating this girl and she started wearing these yellow and purple striped tights. And he said they are awful. Please do not wear them. I hate them. And she just said no, I love them. I'm going to wear them and wear them with pride and confidence and blah, blah, blah. And he said that's why I loved her. That's why I married her. And I was like, Damn, that goes against everything that I thought you know, dress nicely, well, sexy, blah, blah, blah. And actually, it's just all about being ourselves for our own self love and acceptance. Being able to be accepted in a friend circle, the more asked we are and Mark Manson's book seller of not giving a fuck I highly recommend that and no, you don't know the title of it by just a you don't know the understanding of it. But just the title. It's not about giving zero fucks it's about learning how and where you want to give your fox limited Fox and highly, highly recommend that book. But yeah, it was just kind of like, dress for yourself. Be confident in who you are. love who you are. Take it slowly. Take it slowly my love's and just really relish and smile and wear what you want to wear, wear lots of colour, and just be uniquely you. And that's where I've been for the last year like I'm going to count the beginning of my business after I finished my qualification as the first July 2021. And that's when I first took my business course. And I've spent 1000s on courses. And I'm not ashamed of it. I think it's an absolute part of starting something starting a dream. You have to invest in yourself, invest in your dream, and I know it's gonna pay off or no, I'm going to create something that's going to help hundreds of women's lives for the better. And bring them so that we turn their light up full wattage and they're just shining. And that's now my mission. And I'm 38 about to turn 39 in November and this is sort of a diary to myself as well and my reason for why I'm here with you because I love talking I love connecting I love helping Yes Only from people who want to help you can't try and shove it down people's throats I learned that the hard way. But yeah, I'm here. I would love to hear from you. Send me a DM on my Instagram beat Chloe be you or a link from Our Website in the show notes, I would love it if you would give me a review.

I know it's easy just to click on to the next podcast. But if we could just take that time to tell our friends that we appreciate each other, to our loved ones that we appreciate them, miss them and love them. And to all of these people out here making content for you. It means the world. So even if you just click, hopefully five stars, but click the stars, you don't have to write anything on your phone. I would love it. And I would love to hear from you. And my programme is coming soon. So I'm building a viewer first. Now, actually, I haven't officially announced, but it's coming very soon. I'm creating a three month container of one on one coaching and workbook and Voxer and all of the good things. And in three months, we will transform your confidence levels, where to find out where they are, find out where they're lacking, find out where you want to boost it the most, what's letting yourself down the most, where you're limiting yourself the most, playing small and safe, and they're getting frustrated as hell with yourself. We're going to find all that. And I'm not going to chuck in the deep end. That never works. And I don't know why people think that that's a good idea, like doing 75 hard, cause you're gonna fail. Who the hell is anyone who the hell is going to complete a 75 hard if they are nowhere near doing that roughly on a daily basis. One of my biggest things is baby steps slowly increase it compounds over time, feud, Chuck yourself in the deep end with a diet or exercise or daily routine habits or 75 Hard men, welcome to failing and then hating yourself. And that's not what I'm about. So I'm here, we're gonna do three months together, slow, lifelong changes, so you don't get overwhelmed. You start putting your shoulders back, holding your chin high, loving yourself and what you do, knowing what you're wanting to achieve, we're going to get some sets of awesome goals really early on. And I'm going to break it down to my Instagram stories when I have the framework finished and I'll explain it all. But if I could give you any gift that you would give to yourself in the next year. Give yourself some peace of mind and self love so that that inner critic and nasty voice in your head, it will never go away. But you can turn the volume down on it and say, I'm having the thought that I'm not very good at this. But I'm choosing not to listen because I have so much evidence to the contrary. And this is what I want to do. I'm choosing to believe in myself. I'm choosing to be my own cheerleader. Like Mel Robbins does. High five yourself in the mirror in the morning. I like placing my hands on my heart, and just feeling the love for myself. And all that I'm going to achieve today and keeping promises. There's so much I can't wait through this programme with you. There's only a limited number of slots, there's only about 12 slots available. And if you've never had this level of support before, you'll be blown away by what it can achieve in three months. And I'm so excited. If you're ready. I'm ready. Let's go. But for now, that's bought me up to the present with my story. There are so many other stories of life experiences that I'll share with you and then what I got out of it, because stories are the best thing ever. They're the oldest thing in time ever since the cave paintings and before that, stories work, stories hit home, and they're a great way of sharing a message. So there will be lots of funny stories about my embarrassing moments and the sad ones as well that I've learned from but yeah, that gold. Again, so thankful you're here, but until next week. Say to yourself, I'm proud of you babe.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai